London’s Burning

I’m so confused. Right Lucy? (my cat is next to me at the moment- she gets it) I talked to my father today and said, no, no i’m fine -just a pandemic, a country in emotional exhaustion and anger over the murder of George Floyd and one of my clients coming back shakily from the hospital -Parkinson’s hallucinations in a co-op in the upper west side- noone one was injured but a building was flooded for the second time. Long story there, but it wore me out. I’m exhausted, helicopters, and police sirens steal all of my peace. But no justice, no peace- I get it. I wonder if the protests will send off a second wave of the virus. I’m going to buy a car but that’s another story. Back to the phone call with my father, and yes it ended with a good dose of existential dread but unlike the conversation with my mother that was the tsunami of existential dread- she was able to  top things off with a prediction including the words, “civil war”, “Donald Trump”, “canceling the election.” (now that was some dread) And despite these lovely circumstances, what was bugging me. I miss my NYC life. This one is fine. But New York, just apologize, forgive and lets move forwards again. Somehow… as friends? I miss you. Love K

Ok, hold on, that wasn’t the end of story. I didn’t quite get the gist of this post out yet, sorry for the delay. Yes, I’m okay, no I don’t feel whole without my community. There is a glimmer of light in this dark, depressing reality- a friend may be turning rehearsal footage into a film. I wish I had the desire to do that. But I’m happy she’s being creative. I think I spent all my creative forces this week in reorganizing our pantry. Yes, I should be out there protesting, yes I’m afraid of cops, violence, getting sick, getting arrested, crowds, corona. Listening to the rally which is a block away from my apartment somehow leaves me with a sense of hope. I guess we all have to just ride the waves. Peace to everyone during these crazy 2020 times.

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